[six]☆I think it’s all I need just to feel alive again.

♪ Currently Listening to Almost Four By Wolftron

☆ Inspiration of the Day . That person that brings a smile to my face everyday

“Oh love I know I am ugly
But please won’t you love me again
Cause i think it’s all i need
Just to feel alive again…”

Happy 4th of July guys. Today was lame. I was so excited to hang out with Joe one more time before he leaves to Australia for a month. But time was messed up and we missed our free window time by a couple of hours -Sigh- This always happens to us. Anyways, today at work it was filled with really rude Asians. You know the usual. It really drains a lot out of you. Ughh, I hate asians! I know that hate is a strong word, but I’m a strong person and I can take it. Anyways, after work I didn’t have any plans anymore so I tried to take a nap. Fail! I ended up really thinking and evaluating the things in my life. I thought about the past and the future. Man it was scary to realize how close I am to being old. College is so close by considering how fast sophomore year went. I really don’t know if I’m ready or smart enough to get in. My grades aren’t up to par with my mom and crap. I’m working really hard, doing a lot of extracurricular too. But I’ll just never be as smart as Anna, never good enough for mother. -sigh-

As for the past, I’ve realize what a jerk I have been. I’m not really a great friend. Nobody is perfect, I am certainly no where near perfect. I always avoid fights and problems and when someone comes to vent to me, I can’t comfort. I just get nervous and scared and I just want out. It also seems that I don’t really put in the effort to talk to people. I really don’t do it on purpose, I swear. I do try. It’s just that it’s hard to talk to someone when you ask questions to start a convo and they answer with ‘yes.’ ‘I’m okay’ and ‘nothing.’ Well, I also thought about the lack of people I’ve talked to this summer and it really frustrated me how I always had to start up a convo with someone just for someone to talk to me. Sometimes it’s nice to know that someone WANTS to talk to you and isn’t just responding because you talked to them first right? Ugh. It made me realize how many close friends I have and it’s not that many. There’s really only one person that has talked to me every single day this summer, and I really appreciated it Joe. You probably don’t even know I write these, but thanks for being the big brother I never had. You’re always there when I need someone to talk to. c:

I also noticed the unbalance of guy friends to girl friends. I need to get in touch with my lady friends, cause who else would I talk to about periods, cute boys, hair and makeup and what not? The only problem with girls is that they’re so into their cliques. I would say I don’t belong in a clique. So between the two to three cliques I hang around, I get left out a lot. You know, when those group of people stick together like super glue and you’re just like ‘wait up!’ Or when you’re hanging out with them, they separate into tiny groups and crap. It bugs the crap out of me because I absolutely hate cliques to death. But I guess it’s my fault that I get left out a lot cause I chose not to be in one, but it’s better to be opened minded right? I guess not. Ah, oh well, It still can be fun sometimes. Like Karina and I at PGA that one time.

But there are still a lot of things I need to say to people that I haven’t had the time to say in person. I’m sorry for everyone that I haven’t talked to this summer, I’m sorry. I’ve been busy with work and when I’m not, I’m just too tired but I promise I will talk to all of you whether you like it or not. I’m also sorry for everyone that I’ve made fun of, Hopefully you know that I’m a jokester and an opportunist. If there’s an opportunity to make a funny, I’ll take it. Please don’t take it personally, I love you guys! I’m sorry mother for not being smart enough, and I’m sorry everyone for not being there for those who needed it. I really hope you forgive me for my mistakes and I will for sure fix them. Oh geez, I’m getting teary. This is too weird, I’m usually NEVER like this. We have to move on now.

So on to better news. Today after work, I was doing my daily recipe search on foodnetwork.com. And I came up to this fantastic recipe of S’more Brownies. And I was like, ‘omgwtfbbq’ I got to try that! So my mother took me to Luckys. I swear I could count the customers with one hand. Everyone’s out for a party for July 4th. I bought some baking ingredients, you know flour, butter and all that good stuff. Mhmm I forgot my camera so I couldn’t take pictures there. Anyways I made my super cool brownies. It consisted of a layer of graham cracker crust, brownies and a layer of melted marshmallows on top. I thought it was a little bit too sweet. The critique for this one would be, too much marshmallow, not enough graham cracker crust. Next time, less sugar and eggs to make fudgey-er brownies. But that can be fixed next time. I still have a lot of left overs so tomorrow you can call me and I can drop some by your house if you want! I wish I had some berries to top it off. The only bad part is that after having my first bite, I didn’t get that surge of smiles I usually get. I think it was just because of the lameness of my day. Also, the dishes that need to be washed. It’s totally worth it though c:

Food Network’s Version

And mine.

Oh the Joys of Cooking.

Well tomorrow, I’ll be taking care of dearest grandmother at home. So I guess that’s considered a rest day. My plan for tomorrow is to do apush notes. You can make my day by calling me tomorrow or something but no text. It’s the 4th of the month, and I already exceeded my limit in texting. Ughhh. I’m getting unlimited soon so hopefully my jean fund will start to grow instead of shrink. Oh, abdc last night. Definitely So REAL. I actually really liked Fanny Pak’s performance too! Oh gosh, extreme dance force? They had to go. I think that’s enough for today. Hopefully I won’t be writing such an emo entry tomorrow. Happy 4th of July everyone, I hope you had a better day than I did. Welps See you Later. – wendychann♪